you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
