i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
A+ Viking dick
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