"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
