scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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