I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
