Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
