Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
