i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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