Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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