i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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