im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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