We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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