so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
