Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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