Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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