i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
