I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
