Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
