I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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