I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
