I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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