I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
