I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
