my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Randomize
