How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
