Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
