Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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