if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
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