So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
