I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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