i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
