her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
