i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
