There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We left an ass print on the piano.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
