Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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