i just had sex bonerless
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
