I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
