he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
