Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
