Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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