I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
