it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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