I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
