I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
