I am puke
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
