Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
