I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
