I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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