OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
