we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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