don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
