What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
